urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:emoxkid3 .:Do You Feel Better Now As She Falls To The Ground?:. emoxkid3 2006-07-16T03:05:37Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:emoxkid3:3860 2006-07-16T03:05:37Z 2006-07-16T03:05:37Z High Anxiety So I wrote down how I felt for Victor in a "story" type thing...<br />Quite pathetic, really...<br />But I would do anything for that guy...<br />He's so amazing...<br />It's like...<br />He's perfect....<br />And it breaks me to know that I cant have him...<br />I'm worried about what he'll say..<br />I hope he'll still be my friend...<br />Well, I want more, but let's not be pushy...<br /><br />I've come to a decision that I'm going to QUIT Livejournal.<br />Yeah, you heard me.<br />I'm quitting.<br />Actually, I may just quit 'space and fanfiction too...<br />Might as well...<br />Nothing for me to do...<br />I really have to buckle down...<br />I gotta start writing my book.<br /><br />Bye. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:emoxkid3:2288 2006-04-30T22:17:30Z 2006-04-30T22:30:22Z "Buffalo Night Life" - The Varsity _{I haven't updated in a while. But I DO have an explanation for that... First off, my cat died. Yea... My beast. The cow with terets who loved to cut off your air supply by sitting on you and kneading you to death. But she was a sweetie. I loved her.<br /><br />Then of course, while I was upset, my mom gets a phone call saying my grandfather died... He isnt really my biological grnadfather. My Biological one died before I was born. So my grandmother remarried. But he was all I had. Me and him were really close. Whenever I was visiting he'd say "Hey kid" and we ALWAYS played card games... Like 5-card stud... And last time I saw him, he let me sit on his lap and he drove me around on his electric wheelchair. I remember he used to take me up the mountains with the tractor and he used to sit in his recliner and watch t.v and I'd sit on the couch next to him. But me and him always snuck ice cream and candy when my grandmother wasnt looking. He was a grumpy old man but he was a happy and funny one too with his little crooked smile. If you knew him, you'd understand. <br /><br />But anyway, I had my family come up from North Carolina and Florida and have some come out from Brooklyn and the city... we were all devastated... We all love him so much so it was pretty big... and my grandmother, the strongest woman you'll ever meet, was shedding a tear or two... it was painful to see.... and during the wake, she walked up to the Funeral Home workers and asked, "Is he wearing his heavy white socks? His feet get cold." and I broke down... I couldnt take it anymore... It broke my heart and tore at my soul... and of course then she asked, "Is he wearing his favorite shoes? He loves those shoes and doesnt want to take them off." It was horrifying to see her cry too.<br /><br />During the funeral though... that was torture... My grandfather had three kids before getting married to my grandmother. The two oldest died and the youngest, Michael, was the only one left. So at the funeral, when they folded the American Flag that was on his casket, they gave it to Michael because my grandmother wanted him to have it. Michael hadnt cried throughout the wakes and the mass. But when they gave him the flag, he was hysterical crying. And that was the FIRST TIME I had ever seen my grandmother cry. The second time was when she had to leave for Pennsylvania and she didnt wanna leave because my grandfather was just buried here. So I have a feeling she'll be visiting ALOT and we'll be at the cemetary ALOT...<br /><br />So I'm upset and I feel numb. And the people gave me a flower from his rosary because I'm one of the grandchildren. I put it in a book so it'll flatten and I can keep it forever. But that's not the winner.<br /><br />The winner is that my brother is moving to Pennsylvania this year and my mom wants to go too. So if my mom goes, I do too. So yea... I'm moving to Pennsylvania sometime... I just dont know when... they're all trying to convince me that it would be good for me because there's a good college there. Whatever... I still have to go through my high school years there. I really dont feel like being alone. And I'll never see anyone ever again because if I move, my aunt will move there too. And I wont be able to stay with anybody unless my mom lets me spend a fortune on a hotel, which is highly doubted, so I'm doomed. My life was meant to be a living hell that I cant escape from. This is all so retarded and I KNOW for a FACT people are gunna start calling me even more emo... I'M NOT EMO!!!!!! I DO NOT THINK THE WORLD IS AGAINST ME! Sure, it sucks!!! But I dont think its against me and me alone! If the world was against me, I'd be dead. The world is a biiiig fucking place! Shit happens and I have to learn how to deal with it. Ha... I sound like my brother. Sons of Bitches... I hate you all... If I go to Pennsylvania, I'm gunna end up scaring the shit outta all those Pennsylvanians. They will FEAR me... because I'm going to be SUCH a bitch and it'll be like I'm PMS'ing the whole time... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! SUCKS FOR THEM!!! I CAN BE REEEEEEALLY NASTY WHEN I WANNA BE!! Ohh... they're gunna get it... It'll be like my own personal anger management class EVERY DAY, for 6 HOURS! HAHA! Wow... I'm even scaring myself... I'm sounding quite maniacal at the moment... Freaky.... So yea... That's all I really have... Later.} urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:emoxkid3:413 2006-03-25T21:50:49Z 2006-04-30T22:27:48Z "If Looks Could Kill" - A Heartwell Ending _{Ok... so yea... This is my first live journal entry. I have absolutely nothing to type right now. I feel even more emo now then I did before though. It reminds me of the Adam and Andrew song, "Emo Kid" because I'm writing in a livejournal and I DO wear thick-rimmed glasses... creepy...}